What is the best way to respond to the negatives? I see-saw in what I think. Sometimes I think confronting thoughts and emotions is better – talking or journaling or using art to explore and express. At other times I feel that can be damaging, fuelling a cycle of overthinking for many people, and that the best way is rather to open up other thoughts and experiences – talk or journal about something totally different, like football or the Oscars. Each approach can help, and each can be about letting go. Confronting the darkness so it loses some power, or closing a door on the darkness so you get some space away for a time. Or you could ask which would help more, a self-help book or a comic novel? A sad song or a dance anthem?
What seems like a balancing act for many people makes me listen up whenever I hear of different ways of letting go.
You too may have heard of the Let Them Theory which motivational author Mel Robbins has been sharing and promoting, most recently in a new book. In this she has researched and explored exactly why two simple words, “let them”, have such power to liberate and relax. She has interviewed neuroscientists and other experts in thought and behaviour to dig deeper behind the immediate impact. She also explores how you might use the theory in practical ways – maybe to deal with family or work conflicts. It’s all about detachment, recognising that our power to control what is happening around us is limited, and letting go. It’s all about stepping back, no longer battling to change other people or constantly overthinking differences. In a way it could weave together the two approaches I mentioned at the start.
What I also like about Mel Robbins’ theory is the twist she adds. Let Them is not the whole story. There needs to be another way of being, a more active response. This she calls “Let Me”. The Let Them Theory might feel too reductive, so Let Me focuses your time and thoughts on what you can control, not what you can’t. It’s all about you, but it’s empowering. Think about what you might be able to change for yourself, even in simple ways. It’s all too easy to overthink what’s wrong about other people or situations, not so easy to confront what we might do to improve what is within our own control. It’s easy to blame others and distance ourselves sometimes. I found “Let Me” more challenging, but worthwhile. It got me thinking and imagining – and hopefully, in time, it will spur me on to do things differently too! What might it make you imagine, think or do?
Letting go, letting them, it’s all about living with open hands and silencing the instinct to grasp or hold, fix or steer. Letting me might become a more hopeful alternative. Do share any thoughts you may have in Medley’s Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/359291215486002
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